So apparently the World Economy is in a bit of a pickle, i.e HUGE RECESSION.
Apparently in the next Sex in the City film (something I pray every night will never actually come to fruition,) there are scenes which show Carrie/Carey/Kerry taking piles of clothes to clothing recycling stores. Designers are making their new collections more subdued to reflect the economic climate and on top of all this, the price of cheese is RIDICULOUS! That's not FIERCE, dear readers, it is HELL. Just because I have $5.27 in my bank account, it does not mean I have to give up looking FABULOUS! Fuck that shit! Here are my top tips for being a hot mother-bitch, even if you do in fact currently live in the street. I bet you regret throwing away that giant box your washing machine came in now...
#1
So, you have a one million dollar mortgage.. Doesn't mean you can't strut. While you're at it, shoot sexy-hot daggers at everyone you pass, and don't forget to swing your bootay!
You want to be so confident, people will want to slap you right in the face.
#2
Now, how's your hair? Flat? Unemployed? NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Flip it upside down. Now, grab a hair-dryer and get your fingers involved. Fluff that bitch up like there's not tomorrow. What's that? NO EXTENSIONS? Get some in there. Everybody knows it's impossible to be fierce unless we have each others weaves to rip out when we're upset due to the fact that you/I are/is a "ho."
#3
Feathers are an integral part of looking amazing. The more, the better. Can't afford the latest looks? You could always use your bank overdraft letters and eviction notices to weave a net of fabulous, with which you can simply stroll down to the nearest park or take out to the garden, and nab some birds of paradise.. sparrows and ducks will do. Remember, once you're done with the plucking, DO NOT EAT THE BIRDS! The economy's losing weight, it's about time you did too.
#4
I know it's supposed to be a time to be polite and subdued, especially to your boss/bank manager/landlord, but I'm afraid one cannot be truly fierce without one's vocabulary including the following: "BITCH!" "I'M GON' PULL OUT YOUR WEAVE/PINCH YO' NIPPLE/SLEEP WITH YOUR HUSBAND.. OH WAIT I ALREADY DID" "SEE ME MOVE?" "SUGAR" "MY BREASTS ARE WORTH DIAMONDS OF THE SAME SIZE" "CHAMPAGNE FOR BREAKFAST BITCH"
#5
Last but not least, SHOES ARE EVERYTHING. Can you walk? Yes? Well then I'll thank you to go a little bit fierce-er in the foot department and invest in something really heelalicious. Behold:
And you've got it! Good luck, bitches. xox